How to Network as an Introvert (Part 2)

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A few weeks ago, I published How to Network as an Introvert.

My goal: Help people like me thrive in networking environments in places like New York.

This is part two. I saved some of my most important rules for this one.

If you’re wired like me, I hope it helps.

Most people try to maintain relationships by being “consistent.” They schedule recurring calls, monthly coffees, and send regular check-in emails. It sounds reasonable, but it rarely works. Life gets busy, and when it doesn’t, the whole thing starts to feel forced – like you’re managing a CRM, not a friendship.

What works better is something more uneven.

I use what you could call a barbell strategy for connection:

• Low-effort maintenance in between: constant texts and engagement on social media.

• High-intensity touchpoints a few times a year: a more thoughtful hangout, a nice dinner, or something IRL. Something memorable.

It feels more natural and, ironically, more meaningful. You’re not just keeping a calendar, but building a rhythm that is sustainable.

Events can be overwhelming, especially for introverts.

But with the right mental model, you can minimize any anxiety or awkwardness:

One that worked well for me when I first started: the Rule of 3.

• Talk to 3 people.

• Ask each person 3 things. Get curious. Where are they from? What are they building? Why are they here?

• Follow up with 3 ways to help them. After the event, before you forget, send them a short note. It can be a helpful link, a resource, or just a kind message.

Pretty simple, but effective. Do this over the course of a year, and it will compound your network.

One of the most useful things you can do early in your career is to create something that pulls people toward you.

Most people try to get into interesting rooms by applying, networking, or asking for introductions. That works sometimes. But there’s a better way: make something interesting enough that people come to you.

When I was 23, I started helping early-stage startups in exchange for learning. I didn’t get paid, but I got experience that none of my peers had. Later at Facebook, I started hosting events for entrepreneurs that helped me build a network. At Google, I built a founder community and started making angel investments, which got me into the room with decision-makers.

These weren’t part of my job. But they became the reason people wanted to talk to me. The side projects ended up mattering more than the job did.

You can call these things magnets. They’re side projects, communities, essays, experiments. Whatever gives people a reason to reach out.

If you’re in a corporate job, start something non-corporate. If you’re a founder, talk openly about what you’re building to build a form of distribution. If you’re looking for work, do the kind of work you want before someone hires you to do it.

Don’t ask for permission to do the job. Want to be a PM? Build no-code MVPs with AI. Investor? Send deals to funds. Marketer? Share examples of how you’d improve different businesses.

There’s almost always an alternative, unconventional way to do something that most people don’t see.

When you’re trying to break into a competitive field and get a job, meet someone important, and earn trust, the standard paths don’t work unless you’re already the ideal candidate. You need the right pedigree, credentials, and timing. Otherwise, you’re one of thousands.

So if you’re like me – bad grades, non-target school, not extraordinarily talented, you’ll need to find the third door.

Here’s a breakdown of the analogy:

Someone I know wanted to meet prominent business execs. He didn’t try to network. Instead, he figured out that journalists get the highest email response rates, took an internship at a news outlet, just to get the email domain. Then he used it to send cold emails to people he wanted to meet.

Another wanted a role in venture capital. He didn’t apply. He started sending high-quality deals to the partner and suggested ways to fix their internal ops. By the time they were hiring, the decision was easy.

Most people never find the third door – not because it’s hidden, but because they don’t think to look

For a long time, I thought I just wasn’t trying hard enough at networking events. But it turns out I just wasn’t suited to the environments most of them happened in.

Large rooms are noisy, group conversations are shallow, and events centered around alcohol are awkward if you don’t drink.

Now I stick to a few rules:

• Prioritize events with under 50 people, where I know the kind of people attending

• Use big events for short conversations, then follow up later

• Prefer walks or workouts to happy hours

I only go to events where I can be my best self, because it’s the only way I’ll keep showing up. It turns out that matters more than people think.

Important links to help you become wiser, smarter, and more creative.

• How to build a $1M+ startup using AI (Full Tutorial) with Sam Parr and Greg Isenberg – The most helpful 0 → 1 guide for building AI software on the internet right now.

• Blindspots – If you’re a heavy ChatGPT user, try this out. It’ll blow your mind.

• When o3 Plans Your Career Better Than You Do by Katie Parrott – AI has been surprisingly helpful in helping me answer existential career questions lately. Especially with identifying strengths/weaknesses, mapping out career paths, and connecting the dots between different jobs.

• How the top 1% are preparing for leadership interviews – Sidebar just launched an AI, Superinterviews, trained by top hiring execs at Apple, Meta, Google, Shopify, and more, to help you land your dream job.

Sharing job opportunities that my friends are hiring for. If we know each other well, DM me and I can connect you directly.

• Chief of Staff to Erik Torenberg (GP), Andreessen Horowitz

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• Account Executive, V7

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• Sales, Social, Marketing, Growth, Networks, and Talent Roles at Andreessen Horowitz (DM me directly if we know each other)

• Partnerships Manager, Carry

• Head of Engineering, Carry

• Head of Engineering, Alinea Invest

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• Head of Product, Superpower

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• Director of Influencer Marketing, Doola

• Startup Community Manager, Intercom (mssg John Roche)

• Senior Product Manager, Sydecar

• Product, GTM, Operations, and Marketing Roles, Rho

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I’ll be in Hong Kong from June 8–20. It’s my first time back home in nearly a decade.

I’m looking for good food, great coffee, and to meet interesting people.

Also open to (unpaid) speaking opportunities with students, if it’s a fit.

If you have any recommendations, please reach out!